I really did it!! After YEARS of wanting to create my own health and wellness lifestyle coaching business, I am really here and I am really doing it! Mindlessly trying to figure out how to create and build a website which is SO not a talent nor anything remotely easy for a 41 year ADHD mom! Yet, I am doing it!
My whole life I have been a passionate girl.. I knew what I loved and I knew what I wanted. I just didn’t know how to get it.
It took me 39 years to get a diagnosis of ADHD-Inattentive. It shocked me, yet COMPLETELY made sense and was that giant puzzle piece that had been missing in my life. I was 11 years old when I was diagnosed with OCD/anxiety after mono and multiple bouts of strep. I can honestly say, it just started. I went from the happiest most carefree little girl, to a scared, empty shell moving furniture constantly, afraid to touch anyone or anything. I remember sitting in my old Nebraska farmhouse, staring out my second floor bedroom window, thinking, “Maybe I could just jump out and die, and all of this fear, and panic and sadness will be gone.”
Thankfully, my mom was a victim of this disease, as was her father (my grandfather.) Although my mother’s illness didn’t start until her mid 30’s, and my grandpa was a victim of war PTSD. His mother too suffered from severe anxiety. I was told once that when she was a young mother herself, she would sometimes sit under her kitchen table for days, fearful to come out. I remember when I first heard this, I cried heavy tears. At that moment, I just knew what she felt, and I could just see the picture in my head. After a few days, she would come out and be just fine. We assume this was maybe bi-polar or some other form of severe anxiety. However, after suffering a few severe bouts of extreme shifts in mental stability after a few of my children, I just knew. This disease. This chemical imbalance. This bastard! Whatever it is, had me. It was in my family, and I seemed to be the lucky winner of this generation.
I’m not a writer. There are SO many things I could say about the 41 years of my life. I could tell you now, all about the misdiagnosed and chronic lyme I was diagnosed with in my late 30’s, that they suspect i have had since about 7 years of age. I could go on about the losses of life in my womb and the nights I drank too much. I could tell you about the compromises I made in my morals as a teen, the sleepless nights,the prayers to just not wake up. I could go on about the 100 lbs of weight gains and 100 lbs of weight losses. I could go on about the 6 foods I only ate for 2 years, which resulted in such low body fat, the tip of my nose turned grey. Why? Why Would anyone do this? I will tell you why.
I did this because I didn’t love myself. I was a child of God, and I knew this, yet I didn’t really KNOW this. My entire life I was told by my teachers, boys, etc I was fat, I was obnoxious, I was sloppy,I had buck teeth. I was told I talked to much, that i talked to loud. I wanted so badly for people to love me and like me, but no matter how HARD i tried, I made people angry.
39 years. 39 years and I found out why: ADHD-inattentive. I was blown away. I mean, both of my brothers had been diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood, but , they weren’t like me! They were in punk bands, dyed their hair multiple colors and got bad grades. I was smart! I wasn’t 4.0 honor roll, but I did well! Yet, I had to study hard. I could sit through an entire lecture, takes notes the ENTIRE time, and walk out not having a clue what I just heard. I am not kidding. Not. A. Clue.
My younger brother was diagnosed with ADHD in his late 20’s. He was told once by a teacher in high school when he was talking about college, “Andrew, I think you and I both know, you will never go to college.” He never forgot those words. However, the funny thing is, not only did he go to college (after almost failing high school), he went on to get TWO Bachelor degrees and a MASTER’s degree in the nuclear engineering field. (sorry this is where I like to brag ;) ) My amazing young brother is now ONE of THREE men in the world, two of which are men from Israel, that train military on a certain nuclear machine.
Imagine for a second, the possibility of what is locked inside you. What is holding you back? Is it weight? Is it mental health? Is it sexual or physical abuse? Is it chronic disease? My passion my ENTIRE life, has been helping people. I just didn’t know how, until I started to finally, truly, help myself.
My journey to becoming a Life Coach wasn’t about me. Sure, yes, i wanted to become a better wife, mom, daughter and friend. I wanted to feel better and lose the 80 lbs I had gained. (again.) However, I also knew a few of my children had the same tendencies I had as a child. I had amazing parents who did everything they could to help and by the grace of God, I have made it. Yet, there are so, so many things i want to be able to give my children besides medication and a “you got this kid” pat on the back. We have learned so much over the past 3 decades in the world of mental health and neurological cognition. We have learned about the prevalence of Lyme disease and it’s many painful, chronic and life altering co-infections. We have learned so much more about the connection of mind and body and neurologically based challenges. We have learned so, so much. Yet, we still have a long way to go.
We are all on this earth for a purpose. We all have a gift to share. I have suffered and I have conquered. I gave up. I mean, I literally had thrown in the towel. Yes, I know. I have heard that story before as well. It was everyone else’s story but mine. I was NEVER going to be the one to lose the weight, lose the joint pain, win the mental health back and know what life was like without crippling anxiety and confusion.
Yet, here I am. It happened. It was a miracle and it happened. I have always believed in Jesus Christ as my Savior. I knew he was a God of miracles. I knew he could do anything. I just didn’t think that included me.
The thing is, it did.
I am here to tell you, anything is possible with Him. xoxo
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Yes, foot tattoos really do hurt!
Oh yeah! So why “Blue Rose?” Blue is my favorite color. It always has been and always will be. The rose has always been one of my many favorite flowers. The bible talks about “ The Rose of Sharon.” These 2 things together made me decide my first tattoo i ever got was going to be a blue rose, with the words “sola gratia” embracing it. Sola Gratia means, “ saved by grace.” I am saved by grace through my Savior, Jesus Christ. So yeah,Hello!! Welcome to BlueRose Wellness. I am SO glad you are here. :)